Day 15 : "Trick or TREAT?"

In case you've never noticed:  I love Hallowe'en.  But this year, at the very beginning of week 3 of my challenge, it was almost my downfall.  I've come closer to falling off my diet in the last 24 hours than at any point in the previous 14 days.

So, first of all:  yesterday evening, after another pleasing weigh-in, I decided to have a bit of a treat, whilst still keeping it healthy.  Last Sunday I'd had a big plate of hot mixed veg and a cup-a-soup, instead of a fish salad.

But last night, my wife cooked toad in the hole, roast potatoes and veg for dinner.  So I decided to forgo the sausage and batter, but again have a big plate of veg and two roast potatoes, which had been roasted in Olive Oil.  It was delicious.  But when I took my empty plate out into the kitchen, I spied five roast potatoes sat in the pan.  Everyone else was in the dining room, talking.  They couldn't see me.  The potatoes looked lonely.  So - only to spare their misery, you understand - I ate all five in about 60 seconds flat.

Anyway, I didn't feel too bad about that - after all, it was only bit of carb and unsaturated fat after a fortnight of mostly abstinence.  And I had avoided eating the spare sausage that was also sat there (although I did feel really bad, as Mr. Sausage looked extremely lonely after I'd scoffed his poor little potato friends).

Then, today started off as most other days in the last couple of weeks.  I ate an apple in the car on the way to work.  I did spy a half-empty packet of soft mints in the pocket between the front seats, which my wife had left there over the weekend.  But, having eaten my apple, I didn't even think about eating them (well, not for more than a few seconds anyway).

I had two tins of mackerel and a banana for lunch.  By the time I saw the soft mints again when driving home, the temptation was too much.  I ate three.  After a fortnight of abstinence from any kind of sugary treat, they tasted like the most glorious mints in the world.  Minty nectar.  I think my taste buds had an orgasm.  So I threw them in the back seat before I could eat any more.

When I got home, my wife and I took my two youngest sons 'trick or treating' around our close.  I have to admit to wishing I was a child again, so I could fill up a big bucket with sweets and chocolate, then go home and stuff my face.

When we got back in, I decided to hang around for a few minutes before going to the gym, so that I could see some of the kids coming to our house for treats, and then put our kids to bed.

Big mistake.

By the door, was a big pot of assorted sweets for the trick or treaters.  I thought that one wouldn't hurt, as I'd had three soft mints anyway, and after my weight loss one more tiny jelly sweet wouldn't hurt...

... swiftly, one became about eight.

Have you ever seen that episode of The Simpsons, where Barney - the fat drunk who sits in Moe's Bar slurring and burping - becomes an astronaut?  He gives up drinking, loses loads of weight, gets really fit, and becomes super intelligent.  Then one day he has one sip of alcohol, and instantly puts all the weight back on, burps, and reverts straight back to his old self.

I had a vision of me as Barney.  I saw myself sat on the sofa later on this evening, not having made it to the gym; surrounded by an empty pot, loads of sweet wrappers, and crumbs from a couple of pies I'd managed to find in the freezer; burping and holding my belly, having somehow instantly put 24lb back on.

Yes, a scarier vision than any Hallowe'en zombie.

So - just as I was about to reach into the pot for another sweet - I instead forced myself to run upstairs.  I put on my gym gear as quickly as humanly possible, quickly kissed the kids goodnight and legged it out of the door to the gym - where I did my Monday night chest workout, stomach workout and 30 minutes on the cross trainer.

When I got home, feeling much healthier again, I sneered at the pot of sweets by the front door, and walked on.

Phew.  It could have gone so wrong tonight.

So, my diet today consisted of:

- Breakfast:  An apple;
- Lunch:  Two tins of mackerel and a banana;
- Hallowe'en Treat:  3 soft mints and 8 jelly sweets;
- Dinner: about to have a salmon salad.

Re-focused.

Happy Hallowe'en!!

Day 14 : "Second weekly weigh-in -- the results"

Well, I'm now 1/4 of the way through my challenge.  And what a difference a fortnight can make.

This morning I was proud to be in the gym and on the cross-trainer at 7:30am.  Not quite as impressive as it may sound, as in old money it would have been 8:30am, but it felt good nonetheless. Especially as my wife was still in bed recovering from her night out, and my head was clear as a bell.

So anyway, I'm going to cut to the chase.  I've just weighed myself, and am delighted to be able to say that I've lost another 10lb in the last week!


                          Week 0                   Week 1             Week 2

Body Fat            32.8%                      29.4%               27.4%

Muscle Mass      33.9%                      35.2%               35.8%

Weight               16st 7lb                    15st 7lb            14st 11lb


This means that I've now lost 24lb in a fortnight - only 4lb off losing 2 stone - and lost 16.5% of the body fat I was carrying.  So much more than I had hoped for in such a relatively short space of time (although in many ways it feels like bloody ages!)


I googled 24lb to see if I could find something to visualise how much I've lost in the last 14 days.  And I found this:

Yes, this is a 24lb carp.  So I've lost a huge freaking fish in weight - ironically, from mainly eating lots of his relatives.


I'm now really excited to find out how much more I could lose with another 6 weeks to go on my regime.


Good luck to Vikki and Christine who are joining the challenge from Monday.  I hope you find it as life-changing an experience as I am right now!


14 days gone... only 42 to go!

Day 13 : "Low-fat Zombie"

Well, I started off the day with some scrambled egg on toast, then went to the gym and did a legs workout.  Then we dropped the kids off at my parents and came back home to get dressed up as zombies to go on this year's Bristol Zombie Walk.

I actually forgot to have lunch, as we were busy getting ready, so by the time I ate again it was about 5pm,  in a pub after the walk.  Whilst my wife and our friend Jacky drank lager and wine respectively, and tucked into some delicious looking deep-fried brie wedges, I drank a diet coke and ate a side salad.

Back in Swindon, my wife has now gone into town drinking.  With no kids tonight, I could have gone with her.  But instead I've spent the last couple of hours getting un-zombified and then cleaning the house.  What fun!

So, my diet today has been:

- Breakfast:  two scrambled eggs on a piece of toast;
- Lunch: oops...
- Dinner: a side salad.

And strangely, I'm just not hungry right now.  Not even for brains.

Tomorrow afternoon - it's weigh-in time!

Day 12 : "Tortured by my wife"

So, I'm driving home from Northampton, feeling pretty good as I know it's a Friday evening but I've not even allowed myself to think about having a beer or bad food.  Then my phone rings.  It's the wife. She's got a couple of friends round.

"Hi, can you stop at the shop please?"

"Okay..."

"And get some wine?"

"Okay......"

"And a bottle of cider?"

"Okay..........."

"And some chocolate.  Fruit 'n' nut.  One of the big bars."

"Okay.................."

So there I am, on a Friday evening after a long week, walking down the alcohol aisle of Sainsbury's selecting wine and cider, and then down the confectionery aisle picking up big bars of chocolate.  I could smell it.  It smelt good.  But I knew I couldn't have any of it.  Friday night torture.  Thanks, wife.

My Friday night treat from Sainsbury's, sitting in the basket amongst all that tempting alcohol and yummy chocolate?  A piece of yellow fin tuna and a bottle of diet Pepsi (rather than diet Coca-Cola, for a change; I like to mix it up a bit).

I've now just got back from the gym where I did a back workout, a stomach workout and a gruelling 30 minutes on the exercise bike.  How my Friday nights have changed.  Mind you, that little devil is really nowhere to be seen right now.  I think I might have exorcised him.


Now it's the weekend, I'm starting to get excited about my weigh-in on Sunday.  The Sunday weigh-in works for me psychologically, as rather than wanting to eat more as it's the weekend - which has been the case most of my life - I actually want to make sure I continue losing weight right up to Sunday afternoon.  Bargain.


Double-exercise for me tomorrow, as will be off to the gym in the morning for a legs workout, and then spending 2-3 hours walking round Bristol tomorrow afternoon dressed as a Zombie, on the Bristol Zombie Walk 2011.  Actually, it will be more of a shamble than a walk, but I should still burn off a few calories.  No beer for me at the after-party this year though - that will be strange.  But at least I won't feel rough in the morning - the last one nearly killed me...

My diet today:

- Breakfast:  An apple and a banana
- Lunch:  A spicy chicken and couscous salad - made a lovely change from fish!
- Dinner:  Yellow fin tuna steak salad, here I come!

Day 11 : "A late quickie"

Just a quick post tonight.  I got snarled up in traffic on the M25 driving back from Redhill today, so didn't get home until around 8:15pm.  The old me wouldn't have even contemplated going to the gym at that time; but the new me made a quick change, and was straight back out for a workout.  Telling myself repeatedly that I no longer have a choice.  It works.

But I still need to shower - I'm sweating like Gaddafi in a drain pipe - and eat my salad.  Then sleep.

Diet today:

- Breakfast: An apple and a banana
- Lunch: A tuna salad and a banana
- Dinner: A salmon salad

Workout:  triceps, stomach and 30 minutes on the cross trainer.

Roll on the weekend.

Night!

Day 10 : "A new commitment"

Well, I've managed to make it into double figures!  I think I'm more impressed with the fact that I've managed to make it to the gym 10 days in a row, than the dieting part.  It's weird how I've always managed to say that I don't have time to go to the gym regularly... but actually, I was just making excuses to myself.  I've made time.  I may not be seeing much of my wife in the evening - especially by the time I've blogged as well - but hey ho, something's got to give.

Although my original mantra was "to exercise everyday", I've decided to amend that.  I'm going to go to the gym every day.  I've been thinking it for a few days, but didn't want to commit - as once I post it on here, I feel I have to do it.  But I'm posting it, so that's it.  I'm committed.  Or maybe I should be committed.  To the asylum.

But if I can turn round in mid-December and say I've actually been to the gym for 56 days in a row, I'll be happier than a dog with two peckers.


This process is quite up and down.  I think I've kind of nailed the food thing now - I'm not really craving bad food or, touch wood, alcohol - but the gym was hard again tonight.  My shoulder and stomach workouts were fine, but the 30 minutes on the cross trainer were hard... especially the first 10, when I thought I might cry and have to stop.  But I battled through it.

I have to keep telling myself it's worth the struggle though.  Just 10 days in, I'm really noticing a difference.  My chin has definitely shrunk... it feels a lot tighter when I shave in the morning, and I can feel more of a jaw line, rather than blubber.  And the bulge of my stomach starts a lot lower down... rather than starting just under my moobs, it's more just around the lower abdomen area now (it looks more like what my wife referred to as her remaining 'baby belly' in the few weeks after she'd given birth.)  And, quite excitingly, there's actually a hint of rib showing above it.  Either that, or I've got a hernia on the way.

I'm actually having to use all my willpower for something else right now.  A part of me really wants to jump on the scales to see if I've lost more weight since Sunday (well, maybe not 'jump' - that could still cause some serious damage to said scales).  But I won't let myself.  I want to build up to a once-a-week weigh-in and, hopefully, surprise myself.  I'm actually finding myself looking forward to Sunday.


So, my daily diet update, in case you're vaguely interested (even I'm bored writing about fruit and fish every day, so God knows how you must feel, if you've even read this far...)

- Breakfast:  None.  Bad I know, most important meal of the day and all that, but I rushed out of the door this morning forgetting to pick up any fruit of the fruit bowl, and then when I got to Bournemouth went into an assessment centre so never got round to it.  Must try harder.
- Lunch:  A tuna salad.  From one of those sandwich/salad bars where you have to pick what you want - I have to admit, it did take a bit of willpower not to point at the coronation chicken or even the tuna mayonnaise.  I could have even told myself that it was a mistake, that maybe I have a wonky finger like my Granddad.  But I resisted.
- Dinner:  About to have a mackerel salad and a banana.  Life on the edge rocks!!

Day 9 : "Dieter's Block"

Well, for the first time since I started this blog, I've realised I really haven't got much to write about today.

Picked up my apple and banana out of the fruit bowl this morning to eat in the car, without thinking about it.

Stopped for fuel on the way to Birmingham and, amazingly, I don't even remember seeing any Ginsters when I went into pay.

Went to Sainsbury's to grab lunch, and bought a bean salad and some fruit, without drooling over the pies as I walked past them.

Came home from work, got changed, went to the gym and did a biceps workout, stomach exercises and 30 minutes on the exercise bike - without even contemplating for a moment that I had the free-will not to go if I so wanted.

And I'm already resigned to the fact that I'm about to prepare a tuna salad (I know I had that last night, but it's the only fish left in the house!)

No inner turmoil, no fighting off demons, no wanting to eat bad food, no wanting to slob out when I got home.

Is this normality!??

Mind you, that Sainsbury's bean salad gave me horrendous wind again.  That's surely not normal.

Day 8 : "An alien visits the gym"

Yesterday evening, after my weigh-in, I decided to treat myself to something different than a fish salad, and thought a few more carbs. than usual wouldn't be a bad thing once a week.  So I thought I might have some 'pasta in sauce', and my wife offered me a Weight Watchers Chicken Curry.  I really fancied both, but weirdly couldn't bring myself to eat either of them.  So I had a big bowl of boiled mixed veg. instead, and then a low-fat yoghurt.  And felt quite proud of myself.


And something strange has happened today.  After feeling great this morning (the first time in a while that I can say I have got up on a Monday morning having not touched a drop at the weekend), this afternoon I started feeling quite tense and frustrated, and the feeling got worse as the day drew on. By the time I started my drive home from Southampton, I was in a positively bad mood for no apparent reason.  I put it down to my body adjusting to the massive cut in calories it's been experiencing - maybe my blood sugar had gone a bit doolally or something.  Feeling pretty crap, I was worried that I'd be really fatigued at the gym and struggle (although, amazingly, I didn't let myself think about not going for a second).

It was only when I arrived at the gym, that I realised I was actually itching to start my workout, and went at my chest exercises with positive gusto, feeling a lot better.  By the time I finished at the gym, I felt great again.  So something dawned on me.

Every day last week, I went to the gym at roughly the same time in the evening, and then went on Saturday morning and Sunday morning.  Going again this evening meant that it's been well over twenty-four hours since my last visit.  And with the lack of any beer, chocolate, etc. in my diet, I think my brain may have actually been crying out for some feel-good endorphins from exercising, hence the afternoon tension.

I may be wrong.  But, for those of you that know me fairly well, you probably know I'm quite self-analytical when it comes to how my mind works... so I may be barking up the right tree totally, but to me that theory seems to make sense.

I've always wanted to be one of those really annoying people that's addicted to exercise.  It's too early to put myself in that category yet... but after today's experience, here's hoping...

I've incorporated some stomach exercises into my workout routine from today.  I purposefully avoided them last week, as didn't want to highlight my bulging stomach with every sit-up - after all, the other gym-goers may have had to go home and eat afterwards - but it's shrunk sufficiently now for me to feel less self conscious when I do them.

And I did 30 minutes on the cross trainer again, but supposedly burnt off more calories than ever before in half an hour (530), as rather than panting like a rabid dog after 20 minutes, I found it easier to take longer, slower breaths and keep going at a steadier pace than ever before.

Do you know what, I think I might be getting a little bit fit.


My diet today:

- Breakfast: An apple and a banana;
- Lunch: A prawn salad;
- Dinner:  Just eating a tuna salad.

Have you ever tried English Mustard with Tuna?  I recommend it.

Day 7 : "First weekly weigh-in -- the results"

So I'm one week in.

I've barely eaten any fat - apart from the good stuff in fish - and kept my carbs to a minimum.  I've lived almost exclusively on fruit, salad and fish (I had a banana and some tuna for breakfast today - not together - and a salmon salad for lunch), along with the occasional handful of nuts and seeds, and the odd egg with my salads.  I've sniffed some fudge (and, this afternoon, some ice cream) but have so far managed to avoid putting any in my mouth.

I've avoided any alcohol, despite going to three pubs (and sniffing lager).

I've re-joined the gym and been there every day, spending a total of 3 hours weight-training and 3 hours doing cardio work (including a half-hour on the cross trainer this morning).  Even my aches have aches right now.

It's felt like a long, hard week at times.  In fact, there has been the odd occasion when I may well have eaten something unhealthy, or skipped the gym - if it wasn't for knowing that some of my friends are reading this daily confessional, so I'd look like a bit of a twat if I slipped up this early in.

However, this afternoon, I've realised just how much it's been worth the hard work - and just how much this 8 weeks has the potential to positively improve my health and fitness.

Yes, below are the results of my first Sunday afternoon weigh-in.  And - although I was sure I'd lost some weight - I have to say I am quite staggered myself by just how much.


                         Last week                This week

Body Fat            32.8%                      29.4%

Muscle Mass      33.9%                      35.2%

Weight               16st 7lb                    15st 7lb


Yes, I've only gone and lost a stone in a week!

Now I appreciate that last Sunday my stomach had a fair bit of food in it, so some of this weight loss is from now having a relatively empty stomach, rather than it all being loss of fat.  But, even so and even knowing that weight comes off fairly quickly at first, I'd secretly been hoping to lose about half a stone this week.  So when I got on the scales just now and saw I'd lost an entire stone, I nearly fell off them again!

I have to say I'm also pleased to see an immediate difference between the percentage of muscle in my body compared to the percentage of fat, especially when last week there was barely a gap between the two - going from a 1.1% difference to a 5.8% difference.

Well, this has spurred me on no end to continue for the next seven weeks.  It's going to get harder, I'm sure, but - especially with your continuing support and, quite frankly, the threat of humiliation if I don't do it - I reckon I can keep it up.

Now I'm going to go and have a glass of wine and a pasty to celebrate.

(Only joking!)

7 days gone... just 49 to go...

Day 6 : "4 pints at the pub"

Went to the gym this morning and did a legs workout - it felt good being there on a Saturday morning, rather than just lounging round the house in my pants.


Okay, so I've been into pubs a couple of times this week for lunch and didn't drink, but then I wouldn't usually drink alcohol of a work day lunchtime anyway.  So my first proper weekend pub challenge came this afternoon, when we went to The Dockle Farmhouse to see some friends for a birthday / new baby get-to-together - especially as three of what you might call my 'drinking buddies' were there. Thankfully, I found it quite easy - although I did plough through 4 pints of diet pepsi at probably a faster rate than I would have drank beer.  I think I experienced a bit of a caffeine high.  It probably helped that it was during the afternoon, we had the kids with us, and we spent most of the time outside... I don't know how well I would have handled a child-free evening inside a pub without supping a beer or seven, but I do want to give it a go before my 8 weeks is up.  One step at a time though.

I did feel a twinge of jealousy as Clare, Martin and Lee headed off into Old Town for a further drinking session; but at the same time felt quite proud as I drove home sober and with more money in my pocket.  But caffeined up.  (In fact, I had a coffee when I got home, and my legs started buzzing. Must cut down on the caffeine.)


Still eating well, despite the fact that normally I eat rubbish at the weekend... in fact, I accidentally skipped lunch today as we went out and I'd forgotten to eat.

But I have taken to sniffing things.  On the way to the pub in the car, my wife was eating a piece of fudge - which I love - and I asked if I could sniff it.  I fantasised that I was eating it.  Then I sniffed a pint of Carlsberg at the pub.  I hope this doesn't lead to a weird long-term habit.


- Breakfast: Scrambled egg (made with skimmed milk) on a slice of toast;
- Post-gym snack: A tin of tuna;
- Lunch: Oops...
- Post-pub snack: A snack pack of grapes and apple pieces, which my wife stole off the kids in the car for me before I tried to eat the steering wheel;
- Dinner: I've just enjoyed a mackerel salad, an apple and a banana.

I'm now determined to get through a Saturday evening of Strictly (I know... gay!) and X Factor without snacking on anything, unless I maybe decide to have another piece of fruit.  And I'll be trying not to think about that half bottle of red wine, which is sulking in the fridge as I leave it to turn to vinegar. Wish me luck.

Tomorrow:  One week into my challenge, I'll be doing my first weigh-in late tomorrow afternoon, and revealing how much - if any - weight I've managed to lose this week...

Day 5 : "Friday night - so far, so good!"

First of all, I must sincerely apologise for leaving you on a cliffhanger yesterday evening.  I'm sure you didn't sleep.  You no doubt couldn't concentrate all day today, on whatever it might have been that you were wanting to concentrate on.  Maybe you've been checking in all evening to see if I've posted anything yet, waiting impatiently for the answer.  Your fingernails are probably ragged.

It was mackerel.  I had mackerel on my salad.


After the Ginsters trial yesterday, I was confronted with similar temptation in Cardiff this morning.  I decided to get the train there, and like a good boy ate my banana and apple for breakfast, and drank some water.  It didn't fill me up enough, and I got off the train still feeling a bit peckish.  What I encountered next didn't help.

Did you know that if you walk from Cardiff Central train station to Working Street, where my office is, you have to walk past:

- a Burger King;
- a MacDonalds;
- a Greggs;
- and at least two pubs open early in order to serve full English breakfasts?

I'd never really noticed before.  Believe me, I did today.  It was a torturous experience that I could have well done without on a Friday morning.

But I resisted.


The Friday night shoulder-demon is at bay so far this evening.  I've been to the gym - a back workout and 30 minutes on the exercise bike - and as of this moment have no particular craving for curry or alcohol.  That half bottle of red wine is still in the fridge from last weekend.  It's Friday night, and it probably thinks it's coming out to play.  So in a moment I shall sneer at it and then laugh in its face as I open the fridge door, reach past it, and take my lettuce out instead.


My diet today has consisted of:

- Breakfast:  An apple and a banana.  And I smelt some MacDonalds.
- Lunch:  My second healthy pub lunch of the week: a shredded crispy duck salad (the only salad on the menu - probably the most fat I've had this week in the bit of duck they sprinkled on it, but it's protein too, ennit?) and a diet coke.  (Inspired over lunch by my friend Ian who's just run a half marathon and is going to do the London marathon next year.  Would love to say I'll join him.  But I won't.)
- Dinner: About to have a salad.  And just so you can sleep tonight... Salmon.

Day 4 : "Evil Ginsters"

Driving home from Milton Keynes this evening, I stopped off at a petrol station to refuel for the first time this week.  As I pulled into the forecourt, I realised that I had an imminent challenge to overcome.

You see, I have formed a terrible habit in recent years of buying a snack most times I stop to get fuel. Many a diet has been broken in the past by the sight of all those lovely Ginsters pasties, steak bakes, brunch bars, sweet chilli bars, and sandwiches laden with tasty, calorific fillings- all lined up in their seductive little black wrappers. whispering "eat me, eat me, eat me..."

... oops, sorry, I was starting to fantasise then... quick slap of face and let's move on:

So anyway, as I filled my car with diesel, I had to try really hard not to think about them.  And the more I tried not to, the harder it became.  As I walked nervously into the shop to pay, I could see delicious food all around me.  I thought about buying something relatively healthy... but they don't ever seem to sell apples, do they?  So, determined not to give into the evil Ginsters, I started eyeing up those weird rice 'snack-a-jacks'.  I needed something, had a craving for a treat.  But I heard a voice - an alien voice - in my head saying "empty calories, empty calories, beware the empty calories..."

So before I could think any more, I picked up a bottle of diet coke instead, marched up to the till, paid and got the Hell out of there.

Another small triumph.

And after naively stating last night that I was finding this all relatively easy, I found the gym much harder tonight as well.  I did a triceps workout which I enjoyed, but my 30 minutes on the cross trainer was the most laborious its been this week, by far.  To the point where about 12 minutes in I was wondering if I would be able to do 30 minutes cardio tonight.  But I battled through.  I think my body is starting to realise its now getting less fuel... but hopefully this means it will start drawing more on the copious fat reserves at its disposal.  So deal with it, body - adjust, and stop moaning.

So all in all, today has been of a bit of a wall.  But I've climbed it.

Diet today:

- Breakfast:  A banana and an orange;
- Lunch: A tuna & bean salad;
- Dinner:  A salad.  I'm about to prepare it, and haven't yet decided which type of fish to have with it tonight.  I'm going to surprise myself at the last minute.  Get me, living on the edge.

Day 3 : "Mega-sore-ass"

Well, I have to say, so far I'm enjoying this and finding it rather easy... but I'm extremely conscious of the fact that I am only 3 days in, that it feels like more, and that there's a long way to go.  And I'm dreading Friday, as I know from past experience that I can do fit & healthy in the week relatively easily, but something changes on a Friday night and the little devil on my shoulder cries out for beer and curry.  The greedy bastard.

My diet today has consisted of:

- Breakfast: A banana (made a refreshing change from an apple).
- Lunch: - and I am quite proud of this - I had a lunch meeting in a pub, but stuck to two diet cokes and a sweet potato salad, which was the healthiest salad I could find on the menu.  I didn't even glance outside of the salad section, just in case of temptation.  If I'd spotted calves liver and creamy mash, my 8 week challenge may have ended very prematurely.
- Dinner:  You may have guessed... a fish salad.  Mackerel tonight.

I paid my third trip to the gym in as many days this evening, and did a shoulder workout followed by 30 sweaty minutes on the exercise bike (hence the mega sore ass right now).

I am looking forward to going to the gym one day in the future and not catching a glimpse of my belly sticking out further than my chest in the mirror.  Roll on that day.

Only 53 days to go...

Day 2 : "A wind blowing in from the north"

Another day gone.

Breakfast:  An apple
Lunch:  A bean salad, an apple and a can of diet coke.  (I once read Billie Piper's autobiography - as she's a Swindon lass. not because I was a fan of 'Honey to the Bee' - and remember her saying she lived on diet coke when she was an anorexic.  So if it's good enough for Billie, it's good enough for me.)
Dinner:  About to tuck into a mackerel salad.

Been to the gym this evening and did a biceps work-out, followed by 30 minutes on the cross trainer again.  Supposedly burnt off 528 calories on the cross trainer, which I guess means I'm burning off more than I'm eating, so my weight had better be going in the right bloody direction...  I guess I'll find out at my first weigh in - fat fighters stylee - on Sunday.  I might see if I can get my wife to dress as Marjorie Dawes.

One scientific fact I discovered today whilst driving home from Birmingham, which I'll share with you in the name of education: it appears that mixing beans, fruit and diet coke in an otherwise empty stomach, seems to kick off some kind of gaseous fermentation process.

All I can say, is you should be glad you weren't in the car with me.

Day 1 : "The diet starts tomorrow - not!"

Well, I'm nearing the end of Day 1.  Only 55 and a bit to go!

I re-joined the gym this evening, and have just got home after a workout.  My shoulders hurt.  I'm knackered.  But the endorphins do feel good!

To be honest, sharing my personal challenge in this less-than-personal way has already helped.  I didn't sleep well last night as have been suffering from toothache (my fault for not visiting the dentist in about half-a-decade.  But they do say it's the most depressing profession in the world, and I don't want it rubbing off on me), and the painkillers and antibiotics I've been taking for it have wiped me out a bit.  So driving home from work tonight, the idea went through my head that had I not told half the world that my challenge started today, then I might have put it off.  I'd probably have taken the 'diet starts tomorrow mentality' and come home, eaten pie and chips, and laid in bed watching TV and feeling a bit sorry for myself.

But that's no longer an option.  (Especially after the unexpected messages and emails of support I've had - thanks!  And good luck to Michelle Green who's actually joining me on my challenge!)

So instead I stopped at Asda (I know, a scary trial in itself) to buy salad and fish, and went to the gym where I did some weights and then spent half an hour on the cross trainer.

And I've managed to stick to my diet for almost a whole day so far!  My intake so far has consisted of:

- Breakfast: an apple;
- Lunch: a tin of mackerels, another apple (that'll keep the doctor away twice) and a pear;
- Dinner: I'm about to make myself a salmon salad.  (Avoiding the half bottle of red wine in the fridge from the weekend.  Anyone want it?)

And I even walked all the way through the alcohol aisle in Asda without even thinking about stopping!

So far, so good!

Now I'm going to eat my salad... and then lay in bed feeling a bit sorry for myself.

But fulfilled.

Day -1 : "Before"

This is it.  My final day of being able to slob out until I get to the other side of my challenge in mid-December.

I finished my day of monumental calorie intake yesterday by drinking red wine and beer with friends, and then getting a kebab.  Of course, I walked slowly to the kebab van, so as to avoid burning off too many of my accumulated calories.  I felt like a camel, packing his hump before a long drought.

Unfortunately, I woke up in the early hours of the morning with a raging toothache after which I was awake for about four hours, so have been off my food a bit today.  I've only had some coco pops and a steak and kidney pie so far.  And lots of painkillers, but I don't think they have many calories.

But anyway, I've taken my 'Before' weight now, which I'm about to reveal.  We made a trip to Argos this afternoon where I bought some new bathroom scales that seem to employ the same level of technology as a small space craft.  They estimate my body fat, my body water and my muscle mass - apparently by sending a tiny electric current round my body.  I was surprised that the results came back immediately, as there's a lot of body for that poor little current to get round.

So... here are the embarrassing results.  The stats that I'm aiming to improve over the next 8 weeks are:

Weight... 16 stone 7 pounds.  The ideal weight for someone of my height should be no more than a tad over 13 stone.  Oops.

Body Fat... 32.8%.  According to the instruction manual that came with the scales, optimal is 8-20%, moderate is 20-25%, and anything over 25% is high.  Oops.

Muscle Mass... 33.9%.  There are no guidelines in the manual for this... I guess it all depends on whether you want to go for 'lean & lithe' or 'built like a brick shit house'.  But on the basis I have only a tad more muscle in my body than actual fat, I think I might need to work on this ratio...

Oh, and my body water is at 45.9%, which is in the healthy range for my body fat type (i.e. fat) and means I'm not dehydrated.  So that's good. (It's probably down to all that lovely refreshing beer I drank yesterday.)

I'm sure there's a reason for it, but what I don't quite understand is why the above percentages add up to over 112%.  Perhaps I'm so fat now that I've actually become more than one whole person.

And now, as promised, below are the revealing 'Before' photos.

I still can't quite believe I'm willingly humiliating myself like this before my friends.  But I'm as sure as I can be that it's this embarrassment that will spur me onto actually do something akin to life-changing over the next 8 weeks, and not give up.  This is humiliating, oh yes... but the real humiliation will come in 8 weeks time if you don't spot any difference in the 'After' photos.

Here goes...

My challenge is afoot.  Bring on the lettuce.

Day -2 : "My belly hurts"

Less than two days to go until my personal challenge begins.  So I've decided to eat and drink until I pop.

I know it's false economics, but I figure that if I put on more weight before Monday, then I'll lose more weight more quickly.  Hence giving myself more motivation to keep going.

Actually, that's bollocks.  I just love eating and drinking.

So last night we went to the Three Crowns in Brinkworth with my parents, and I had 'a duo of game', two pints of beer and half a bottle of red wine.  Then we popped into my parents when dropping them off (don't worry, my wife was driving, not me), where I accidentally drank three whiskey macs and ate some cheese & biscuits before leaving.

This morning I had a cake for breakfast.  Then for lunch, as my wife and my two youngest sons have gone to Kingston for the day (Upon-Thames, not Jamaica), I've just treated myself to a visit to the all-you can eat Chinese buffet at Peatmoor, where I had a bite to eat whilst reading the newspaper.

By 'a bite' I mean 'two plates of starters, a bowl of soup, three plates of main course, a plate of cakes and a blancmange.'  My belly hurts.

And at 4pm my friends Clare and Martin are coming over to see me.  And by 'see', I mean 'drink wine with'.  More calories!

Tomorrow - in between eating - I'm going to buy some new scales and take a picture of my belly to post on-line.  Somehow, I just know I'm going to regret that.

Day -4 : "Inspired by Jodie Marsh"

Three days ago, I never thought I would be uttering the words "I've been inspired by Jodie Marsh".  To be honest, I've always thought she's a bit of a bint.

Then, on Tuesday evening, I was driving home after working in Birmingham, savouring the delights of the M5 and listening to Radio 1, when the annoyingly-handsome Nick Grimshaw interviewed Jodie Marsh on his show.  And in fact, she didn't sound that bint-ish at all.  She's now, apparently, a body builder, and a pretty good one to boot - she recently came 5th in the world in some female body building championship.  I had a look at some photos of her on-line this evening (makes a change from the type I normally look at) and she's built like a rhino on steroids.

Now - and no offence to any female body builders that may ever read this (probably after Googling 'rhino on steroids') - that's not really my thing.  I prefer my house to be well-built, rather than my women.  But the bit that inspired me was this: until quite recently, she was a fairly gym-fit woman, dabbling in a bit of body building, until she was asked to do a TV show which involved entering this world championship.  She was then given 8 weeks to get totally ripped.  And she did it.  She dedicated every day for 8 weeks to a ridiculously low-fat, low-carb, high protein diet, and a shit-load of exercise. She didn't deviate once.  And, 8 weeks later, she came 5th in the world.

And something about that has got me thinking.

Now, if you're reading this, you probably know me.  And it's probably fair to say that I'm not exactly slim.  I haven't yet, quite - I hope - tipped into that fun category of "morbidly obese"... but it's probably only a matter of time...

.. okay, here goes... I'm putting it out there that I've not been happy with my weight for the best part of the last 15 years or so.  There have been periods over those years when I've changed my eating habits, worked out at the gym, and lost a bit of weight... but it rarely lasts for long.  And the old 'one step forward, two step back' (or sometimes three steps back, if the pasties are particularly tasty) rule applies, so that as the years have gone by, the pounds have gradually piled on... one off, two on, one off, three on, and so it goes on...

But now I've decided that if Jodie Marsh can do it, then so the Hell can I.

Now, I'm not planning on becoming Arnold Schwarzenegger in the next 8 weeks.  That would take at least 8 years, or a miracle from lickle baby Jesus.  BUT I have decided that in the next 8 weeks (starting on Monday), I will change my body and lose weight more extremely than I've ever done in a similar period before.  And to do this I WILL:

- Eat EXTREMELY healthily;
- Exercise EVERY day;
- Touch NO alcohol (yes, not a drop... this will be the really hard bit);
- And NOT deviate once from this for the entire 56 days (I had to work that out on my fingers).

Now, there may be some of my annoyingly fit friends reading this, who can't live without a spinning class at least twice daily and who eat acai berries like they're going out of fashion.  And you're probably thinking "So what?".  Well if that's the case... no offence... but @$*& off.  However, if any of my average Joe (and, not wanting to be sexist, average Jo-anne) mates are also reading this: for those of you who - like me - enjoy nothing better than a bottle of red wine, a chicken vindaloo and half a small-country full of chocolate on a Friday night, you will no doubt appreciate that to stick to this for 8 weeks will not be easy.

So... "why has he decided to set up a blog about this?", you may ask (if, that is, you've even bothered to read this far).  To be honest, not only have I never thought about writing a blog, but I've generally never liked people who do.  I've always thought such people are probably full of self-importance, a bit train-spotterish, and writing a lot of drivel that most normal people will have no interest in whatsoever.  Just like me right now!

The reasons I've decided, though, to publish my thoughts and tribulations into a blog over the next 8 weeks are three-fold:

(1) Mainly: because as soon as I post this drivel that I'm writing to Facebook in a few minutes time, I've committed myself to this challenge.  100%.  I've fallen off diets (sorry - before some health guru corrects me - "changing my eating habits for life") before.  In fact, the longest I've changed my eating habits for life, previously, is 3 weeks.  And exercise always tails off after a while.  But by telling any of my friends that might be bothering to read this that I'm going to do it - and after bothering to write all this spiel about it  - I'll look like a fool if I do fall off it by next Wednesday.  Now, I have looked like a fool before - especially that bottom incident at Bath train station involving the police - but I don't intend to this time, no way, Jose.

(2) Now this next bit already sounds cheesy and self-important in my head before I write it.  But I'm going to write it anyway... maybe I'll inspire someone else (bleugh!!)  But, seriously, if anyone else who struggles a bit with their weight wants to join me in my challenge, let me know.  You can share my blog.  Hell, perhaps we could even go for a bicycle ride or eat some broccoli together.

(3) And, finally, I thought I might try and raise a bit of money for charity as well.  I also decided a few days ago, that I'd do "Movember" this year (raising money for prostate cancer research by growing a moustache in November).  Therefore, as my 8 week challenge spans November, I thought I'd combine the two. So if you want to sponsor my 8 week challenge and/or the growing of a ridiculous moustache - in the style of Hulk Hogan - during November you can do so here http://mobro.co/SimonWicks (But please don't be put off following my blog if you don't want to donate - that's your choice, I'm not going to ram it down your neck!)

Another chunk of cheese:  like I say, the main reason I've decided to be a tit and write a blog is because I could do with the support of my friends to keep me on track for what will - quite frankly - probably be the toughest 8 week stretch of my life.  So please - if you've managed to read this far without falling asleep - can I ask you to keep checking in over the next 8 weeks, and lend me some messages of support, or even derision.  To be honest, any contact will be welcomed!

And for your hilarity: coming up over the next few days (before Day 1 of my challenge on Monday)  : I will be checking and revealing my actual 'Before' weight, and taking and publishing some pretty graphic 'Before' photos.  Make sure you've not just eaten when you view them.