Day -1 : "Before"

This is it.  My final day of being able to slob out until I get to the other side of my challenge in mid-December.

I finished my day of monumental calorie intake yesterday by drinking red wine and beer with friends, and then getting a kebab.  Of course, I walked slowly to the kebab van, so as to avoid burning off too many of my accumulated calories.  I felt like a camel, packing his hump before a long drought.

Unfortunately, I woke up in the early hours of the morning with a raging toothache after which I was awake for about four hours, so have been off my food a bit today.  I've only had some coco pops and a steak and kidney pie so far.  And lots of painkillers, but I don't think they have many calories.

But anyway, I've taken my 'Before' weight now, which I'm about to reveal.  We made a trip to Argos this afternoon where I bought some new bathroom scales that seem to employ the same level of technology as a small space craft.  They estimate my body fat, my body water and my muscle mass - apparently by sending a tiny electric current round my body.  I was surprised that the results came back immediately, as there's a lot of body for that poor little current to get round.

So... here are the embarrassing results.  The stats that I'm aiming to improve over the next 8 weeks are:

Weight... 16 stone 7 pounds.  The ideal weight for someone of my height should be no more than a tad over 13 stone.  Oops.

Body Fat... 32.8%.  According to the instruction manual that came with the scales, optimal is 8-20%, moderate is 20-25%, and anything over 25% is high.  Oops.

Muscle Mass... 33.9%.  There are no guidelines in the manual for this... I guess it all depends on whether you want to go for 'lean & lithe' or 'built like a brick shit house'.  But on the basis I have only a tad more muscle in my body than actual fat, I think I might need to work on this ratio...

Oh, and my body water is at 45.9%, which is in the healthy range for my body fat type (i.e. fat) and means I'm not dehydrated.  So that's good. (It's probably down to all that lovely refreshing beer I drank yesterday.)

I'm sure there's a reason for it, but what I don't quite understand is why the above percentages add up to over 112%.  Perhaps I'm so fat now that I've actually become more than one whole person.

And now, as promised, below are the revealing 'Before' photos.

I still can't quite believe I'm willingly humiliating myself like this before my friends.  But I'm as sure as I can be that it's this embarrassment that will spur me onto actually do something akin to life-changing over the next 8 weeks, and not give up.  This is humiliating, oh yes... but the real humiliation will come in 8 weeks time if you don't spot any difference in the 'After' photos.

Here goes...

My challenge is afoot.  Bring on the lettuce.